The Oatmeal Mission
by Pikachu Hunter
Summary: (Complete) Bulma is making oatmeal...and Vegeta has a plan to get rid of it! Rated for language. A two part fiction.
1. Part One Of Two: Getting Rid Of It

The Oatmeal Mission  
By Pikachu Hunter  
  
Part One Of Two: Getting Rid Of It  
  
Vegeta, still in his pajamas, being a pair of dark blue pants and a white muscle shirt, ducked behind the counter of the kitchen, and peered around the cupboard door. Bulma was busy stirring something in a pot, most likely Oatmeal. Vegeta hated Oatmeal more than he hated Frieza, Cell, Majin Buu, and Goku all together. The Oatmeal was going down.  
Vegeta pulled a large walkman from his pocket, and pressed the play button. It blared the Mission: Impossible theme he'd heard in the background of a James Bond movie. Bulma looked around the kitchen. Seeing nowhere that the music could be coming from, she went back to stirring the sticky mass in the pot with a wooden spoon.  
Vegeta breathed a sigh of relief, and put the headphones on his ears, decreasing the volume for any listeners outside his head. He tucked the walkman in his pocket, and crept around the side of the island, keeping out of sight of Bulma. He had to get rid of that disgusting breakfast, no matter what. He didn't want to eat anything he couldn't kill first...and you certainly couldn't kill Oatmeal.  
He scrambled across the kitchen on all fours, and ducked into the dining room as Bulma look suspiciously around the corner, wooden spoon in hand and pink apron on. She again shrugged and went back to her cooking. Vegeta ran across the small room with a table in it, and crept nearer to the side door. Just a little further, and he'd be out of the house.  
"Dad, what are you doing?!" Eight-year-old Trunks tugged on his father's shirt.  
"Er...I'm...practicing." Answered Vegeta, shocked that his son had seen him in his 'casual' camouflage. Trunks squinted at the black paint under the man's eyes and the leaves in his hair. "Were you playing in the backyard at midnight again? You look tired, and--"  
"Shh! Okay, just promise not to tell, and I'll let you in on what I'm really doing." Vegeta put a finger to his mouth to signal silence as a request. Trunks nodded. "What is it?"  
"Your mother is making Oatmeal for breakfast..."  
"No, not Oatmeal! Anything but that! Oh, spare us of the terrible--"  
"Shh!" Vegeta clamped his hand over his son's mouth, smothering the cries of despair. "I have a plan to get rid of the Oatmeal, but I need your help." Vegeta said, turning off his walkman for more concentration. Trunks shook his head. "Nu-uh, last time I helped you do something like this, I ended up grounded for a week. I am not putting chocolate pudding in the washing machine again." He refused.  
"No, no, this is completely harmless, trust me!" Vegeta said, trying to convince the boy.  
"What do you want me to do?" Trunks wondered. Vegeta clapped his hand on his son's back, making the boy cough and wheeze for air. His super-human strength was a little much to put on his son without suppressing it.  
"That's the spirit! Now, all you have to do is..." Vegeta whispered the plan in his son's listening ear, and they laughed after the plan was discussed. They danced in joyous circles. "No Oatmeal this morning, no Oatmeal this morning!" The sang.  
"Quick, go!" Vegeta shoved his son in the direction of the front door. Trunks ran outside, and over his lawn to the neighbors house, where the Son family lived. "Hey Goten!" Trunks called out while knocking on the door. Goten's mother, Chi-Chi, opened the door.  
"Just a minute..." she yawned sleepily, seeing the boy on the step. "Goten, Trunks is here!" She called to the table, not too far from where the front door was. A seven-year-old rushed to the door, and his mother walked tiredly away. "Hi Trunks!" Goten waved, with his other hand in his pocket. Trunks looked around for possible suspects who could be listening for the enemy, being his mother at the moment.  
"I need you to help me."  
"With what?" Goten asked.  
"...My mother is cooking Oatmeal for breakfast, and Dad has a plan to get rid of it. But we need you. You are the key to getting rid of the terror that is being slopped into bowls at this very moment. Will you help us?" Trunks asked. He had definitely inherited some strange habits and moods from his father, and his mother's drama queen attitude being influenced on him didn't make matters any better. Goten nodded. "Just as long as I don't end up keeping your chocolate pudding water balloons in my room. I got in really big trouble when Mom found them! They got all over the carpet!"  
"I know, I know. I got in trouble too. But this has nothing to do with chocolate." Trunks assured his friend.  
"What?!" Goten yelled, attempting to slam the door on the other boy's face. "No chocolate, no deal!" He said through the part of the door that Trunks had managed to keep open with his foot. He kicked Trunks' foot out of the way, and locked the door.  
"Fine, I'll do it myself." Trunks said, walking back to his own house. He sucked in as much air as he could, and hoped to Kami he would think of a good excuse when asked for one. He slowly took his hand up in a fist, and knocked on the door.  
  
Meanwhile, Bulma was happily stirring the Oatmeal, which was beginning to look discolored and emit a pungent aroma, displeasing to the senses. Vegeta, around the corner, winced and held his breath. Then Bulma heard a knock on the door. She rushed out of the kitchen to answer it. Opening the door, she was surprised to see her own son standing on the porch. "Trunks? What are you doing outside?" Bulma asked.  
"Uh...er...Goten's in the back yard, he broke his arm! Come quickly!" Trunks lied, trying to make a concerned and frightened face to convince his mother.  
"Oh, Kami!" Bulma followed her son into the yard. Trunks, while opening the gate to the back, sent a blast of electricity into the air with his incredible half- Saiyan abilities, inherited from his powerful father, who was once the prince of the alien warrior race. The blast of Chi was the signal for his father to get rid of the Oatmeal while Bulma was being distracted.  
  
Inside, Vegeta heard the crack of Trunks' warning. Bulma was being taken care of. He crept into the kitchen and snatched the pot with the steaming substance inside. "Haha, mission successful!" He shouted in happiness as he poured the contents of the pot into the garden. Then Vegeta stared at the slush...did it just...move? Twitch...?  
"Uh..." He swallowed and rubbed his eyes. He wasn't seeing this...but there it was! The Oatmeal was a mutant warrior! It took the form of a large grasshopper. "AHH, IT'S A BUG!" Vegeta screamed, running into the house armed with only a pot. He locked the door, leaving the monster to his wife and son, who had just entered the back yard, where the monster was set to destroy.  
"What is that thing?!" Trunks looked at the rainbow mass of ooze, which was slimly slipping nearer to himself and his mother. Bulma gasped, and ripped off her apron, then threw it over the creature. "Die, pest!" She stomped on the being under the apron. It screeched, and scampered away, taking cover under the deck.  
"That's that...now where's Goten?" Bulma looked at her bewildered son. He'd never known she was so good at fighting off evil creatures...they could have used her in the previous battles with the evil Majin Buu, who had wreaked terror upon the Earth, and even destroyed it, not that long ago.  
"Uh...heh!" Trunks smiled and put his hand behind his head. Bulma saw this face meant he'd been lying all along. How...like her son, to do something like that. But why? Why now?  
  
-------------------  
Next Chapter: The Truth Comes Out! 


	2. Part Two Of Two: The Chaos, The Mutant, ...

**The Oatmeal Mission**

_By Pikachu Hunter_

Part Two Of Two: The Chaos, The Mutant, and The Reinforcements

Author's Note: I am pleased to present the second half of this slightly insane fiction, and hope you will all find this part as entertaining as the last. I had some complaints about the level of comedy in a recently updated chapter of another of my humor fictions. I might be getting a little rusty...forgive me, readers?

Vegeta was running down the street, as fast as his powerful, stubby legs would carry him. Amazingly enough, his Saiyan strength granted him the ability to actually _pass_ the cars on the main drag, going maybe 90 clicks an hour.

The Saiyan gave a loud, maniacal laugh, and threw his arms in the air as he ran. "YES! NO OATMEAL THIS MORNING, NO OATMEAL! NO OAT" He'd suddenly found himself doubled over, clutching at his throat, and coughing wildly. "Oh, God! Swallowed" he coughed some more, and spat on the grass beside him. "Swallowed...a fly...God..." He groaned, and held his stomach. "This can't be good for my digestion track..."

As soon as he'd mentioned what had happened, a piano had appeared out of thin air, and a little man with wide, round glasses perched on his pointed, skinny nose jumped up on the piano stool. "Swallowed a fly, you say?" The man seemed very interested in what had just happened. He sat abruptly on the stool, and began to play a very annoying tune on the piano.

"_I know an old lady, who swallowed a fly,"_ he sang loudly, his voice cracking several times.

Vegeta glared at the piano man, and in a burst of rage, reached out, and grabbed him around the neck, picking him up, off of the ground, and suspending him in the air with one hand. The piano man struggle a little, but soon gave up, and let his limbs hang uselessly in defeat, as Vegeta swung him in a few circles.

"You're going to help me kill the oatmeal!" Vegeta stated. Then, he grabbed the piano under his free arm, and blasted off back towards Capsule Corp.

"So, Trunks..." Bulma let the spatula in her hand make a gentle, yet intimidating slap on her palm, as she walked in circles around the lavender-haired boy. Trunks was duct taped to a wooden chair, and his mouth was taped shut as well. Bulma had pinched his tail before securing him, so she was almost sure he had no chance of escape.

"Want to tell me why you _lied_ to _your own mother_?" The woman made this sound like the most evil deed ever to occur in human and Saiyan history. She spat, as though it were a poisonous thing to even think about.

"Mmf—mff mff mumph!" Trunks said behind the tape, trying to knock himself over in the chair. He was too weak, though, and only managed to get a few strands of hair on the back of his head stuck onto the tape, leaving his neck interestingly exposed.

Bulma tip toed over to a hat that lay in the corner. "Eheheh..." she gave an evil laugh, and grinned at what was inside the hat. Trunks looked at it in worry. What could possibly be in

Bulma pulled out a white, fluffy rabbit by its ears.

"BASTARD!" The rabbit was no longer cute, but very angry looking, and seemed to be willing to do anything to get away. It was now gnawing on Bulma's fingers, and the woman winced in pain.

Trunks would have shrieked at the horror of possibly becoming this creature's next meal, or victim, but his mouth was still securely shut.

"C'mon! This way!" Vegeta landed in the yard with the piano man, and the large piano. He set them down next to Bulma's apron, which was squirming towards the door suspiciously. Vegeta eyed it, then tore the apron off the ground to reveal a horrifying sight.

The oatmeal monster had been squished, and now, it was forming into many smaller, but deadlier versions of the evil oatmeal grasshopper.

"OH MY GOD!" Cried Vegeta, jumping into the piano man's arms. The piano man, unaccustomed to such weight upon him, collapsed, and Vegeta was sent tumbling backwards.

Then, the oatmeal mass jumped on top of the little man, and consumed him wholly, absorbing his form.

"I KNEW AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY," the new creation bellowed to Vegeta, walking towards the piano with slow, heavy thudding steps.

Bulma looked out her window, to see what was making such a noise. In shock, she dropped the rabbit, who decided to run, and become the oatmeal monster's sidekick. "BASTARD!" It shouted to him, making himself known.

"Holy, that's some rabbit," mused Vegeta. "Must be from the petting zoo. All those years with five-year-olds patting him on the head in a cage must have gotten to him."

The oatmeal monster accepted the rabbit's "offer," and picked him up to rest him on his shoulder. "I KNEW AN OLD LADY"

"We KNOW!" Shouted someone from the further point of the backyard.

Everyone turned to see who had spoken, and gasped. "COLONEL SAUNDERS!" Everyone bowed as low as they could, Trunks simply falling over in his chair, as the man in white strode towards the oatmeal monster, a trail of Kentucky Fried Chicken left everywhere he walked.

Colonel Saunders gave a pose familiar to those in the Martial Arts, and squinted his eyes. "C'mon, I can take you. You're no match for my powers of chickeny goodness..."

"I THINK NOT! DON'T TOUCH THAT OATMEAL!" In flew another person, this one for the opposing party. It was...

"The man off the oatmeal box?" Bulma's jaw dropped, comparing the cardboard oatmeal box picture to the man in the hat, and white, powdery hair.

"That's me." The Oatmeal Box man's teeth glinted as he gave a wide grin, before posing to attack Colonel Saunders. "Get ready to rumble, Saunders, I've got the power of oatmeal on my side."

Colonel Saunders smirked. "Well, we'll see how well that stands against my powerful, tasty chicken skin, and my home fries for only two ninety nine on Wednesdays!" He reached to his back pocket, and pulled out a weapon he'd been saving for this duel for a long, long time.

"Paper?" Vegeta wondered, seeing what was in Colonel Saunders' hand.

"Not just any paper," the KFC Founder smiled at the Saiyan.

The Oatmeal Box Man gasped loudly. "NOOOOO! NOT"

"Yes! I have..." a reign of trumpets howled before Colonel Saunders continued. "COUPONS!"

"NOOO, NOT SAVING SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT OFF OF OATMEAL! HOW WILL I MAKE A PROFIT NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" And, as Colonel Saunders threw the coupons at the man in the funny hat, he dematerialized, and turned into a mass of smoking ooze on the ground.

"No, go, counterpart of the Oatmeal Box Man, before I show you the same fate as your master!" Saunders pointed at the oatmeal monster, who fled, tossing the rabbit at a house nearby. The house was destroyed in minutes, but all was well again.

"Thanks, Colonel Saunders, how can we ever thank you?" Bulma shook the hero's hand heartily.

"You can...come to KFC on Toonie Tuesday, and buy yourself some hand prepared, greasy, cholesterol filled chicken from your local franchise!" Colonel Saunders gave Vegeta a thumbs up. "Remember kids, the chicken way is the right way!"

* * *

Okay. This might as well have been...one of the stupidest things I've ever written in my entire LIFE, but I was just so BORED! Lol—be grateful I didn't throw in Lucky Charms, somewhere... 


End file.
